Dear Andy

Dear Andy,

 

I finally found you.  So much happened to us ten years ago, but I’m sure you will agree that it’s all water under the bridge.  I was standing across the street the other day, watching you get in the car with your little girlfriend from next door.  It was early in the morning, so I guess you were both going to school.  You looked great, Andy, all grown up at sixteen and driving.  Your girlfriend is one hot chick.  I saw you take a quick glance around before kissing her in the car.  Nice.

 

Oh, I wanted to tell you I saw some other friends that you left behind.  Chatty Cathy was your mom’s doll, but you played with her, too.  You had me worried at first, fooling around with girl dolls.  When your mom brought me to you, though, I was a diversion from those chicks.  Made me feel good.  But, back to Chatty Cathy.  She was in a home for the mute because her voice box finally gave out.  I put her out of her misery.

 

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that you loved so much….are dead.  They put up a good stance, fought bravely, but they too succumbed.  Fluffy guts coming out of their stomachs, their backs and legs.  The air around us was covered in white, a snowstorm of silence.  It was beautiful.

 

Then I found your buddy, GI Joe.  He was your favorite.  Great guys, those military men.  He was so cocky, ready to defend you on a moment’s notice.  I remember he tried to trip me up one time, when I was reaching for you.  Put me in one of those wrestling holds–I think it was a pile driver– and dropped me off the side of the bed.  That hurt.  Felt good throwing him out of the tenth floor window once I found him.  He fell into the pool.  Drowned.  Oops.

 

I was disappointed your mom took you so far away.  That wasn’t nice, Andy.  I missed you and wanted to be with you.  I wanted us to join bodies and minds.  So we could be as one, like I had planned before.  Before you ran from me at the psychiatric ward they kept you in.  Before that stupid cop helped your mother try to burn me.  Before he tried to tear out my heart.

 

It didn’t work, Andy.  I’m back.  Ten years is a long time, but you’re in high school now.  I think I’ll walk over there to check out your friends, Andy.  See what they’re doing later.  See what mischief I can get into after they’ve gone to bed.  What do you think, Andy?  Can we meet later on?  I have an idea!  Let’s meet at your girlfriend’s house.  She doesn’t have a fireplace, does she?

 

Say “hi” to your mom for me, Andy.

 

Love,

Chucky

 

 

 

 

 

I Wish

I Wish

 

I wish I was three again

And my brother would have let me go with him

To play with his friends.

He would have taken my hand,

Kept me safe.

He would have kept me from chasing butterflies

Instead of not paying attention to

Where I was going.

Safe in the cocoon of his protection

I never would have broken my arm.

Mom wouldn’t have been angry

And he would love me still.

 

I wish I was sixteen again

When I still knew how to say no.

To a time it didn’t matter

If he paid attention to me or not.

The bloom of first love

Kept me enthralled

As he led me down a path

Not of my choosing,

But of desire.

He promised to love me forever

In the soul of his heart.

I didn’t know forever meant tomorrow

Or that all my tomorrows were forever.

 

I wish I was thirty again

When the world was wide open

And the only thing I had to worry about

Was the open, empty road ahead.

One I knew I could fill with happiness

And love if only given a chance.

Not believing in the cruelness of others

As they swarmed through my life

And pushed their way past

To further theirs,

Naive to the ways of strangers

And believing in the intrinsic goodness

I was sure lived inside everyone.

 

I wish I was fifty again

To experience joys and trials

With a greater wisdom than before.

To know, without fear, the right path

Is only an hour away, but I will never reach it,

Too busy to look, too blind to trust,

Too foolish to realize the gift that was within my grasp.

Setting aside the wants and needs of myself

Unable to quench the torment

A lifetime of choices that taunt me into

Reflections of what is and what might have been.

 

I wish I was seventy again

Safe in the knowledge of a life well lived,

True to myself and my loved ones

Though living in constant worry that

I did not do enough with my life.

Looking back at all the hurt inflicted

By myself and others which I could have changed,

The restless spirit of self

Pushes me to do more, feel more,

Pass more on to calm those who need.

The longer I live, the more I doubt

The true meaning of life is a job well done

But rather the drifting of an essence

From one to another

Sending the message of hope, patience, and love.

 

Son Steve signe…

Son Steve signed papers yesterday for his very first apartment.  Brings back fond memories of my apartment days:

The drug dealers who lived upstairs.  Every day at 4pm, the lines started.  People drove up.  Went upstairs.  Stayed for two minutes.  Down the stairs.  Drove away.  This went on for about and hour and a half.  Fun.

The Jewish neighborhood we once lived in.  Beautiful apartment.  Lovely people.  Lone Christmas tree.  They tolerated us.

The train tracks running next to my building.  They were so high, we didn’t know they were there until after we moved in.  Everyday at 2pm, I ran and grabbed my good vases so they wouldn’t fall and break.  It could have been worse.  It could have been 2am.

The community parties.  Now, those were fun.  Actually got to meet other up and coming young professionals in a relaxed atmosphere.  After about an hour, everyone got drunk and threw each other into the pool.  Yep, that was fun.

So.  He signed the papers.  Now my husband and I get to move him.  Wonder how long that will take….

Hello world!

I’m not ashamed to admit it: I started this blog for two reasons.

The first was due to the recent acceptance of my short story, Final Letters.  This will be published by Mused-the BellaOnline Literary Review on June 20, 2012.  In the process of trying to get my bio ready for them, I took the liberty of reading through the last few issues to “get a feel” of what they are looking for in a bio.

Well, dang!  Practically everybody there had a blog or a website.  Hence, here I am.  My first blog.

The second reason I started this blog was to have a place to put all the writing I am doing at this point–my muse is working overtime!  So look here for things I am doing.  That I probably won’t publish.  Ever.

And the third reason…ha!  You thought I didn’t have more reasons, didn’t you?  The third reason is to have an outlet for all the inane things that I’m thinking and couldn’t possibly say to my family or friends.  Strangers, yes.  Not a problem there.

So, HELLO WORLD.  Katie Stephens is here to (hopefully) entertain you and pass on insightful information.  (And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Arizona….)